Apnakarachi Submissions

I am the sum of interactions

Owner: st_ramzan
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Created: 2008-04-18 21:38:09

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Think what is there that is changing every day in ourselves? I tried but I couldn’t make out. But I am sure as every one else is that there is a change in us every day. I tried one day to find out what exactly is changing in me… so one evening I took a pen to jot down all the things that had happened to me and all the things that I had done that day. Right from the moment I got up to the time I was lying on the bed, thinking what have I done the whole day? It surmounted to nothing. Yes. Well not exactly nothing but all insignificant daily routine things here and there and the day passed. Add up to weeks and they add up to months and they add up to years and they add up to lives.

Is that all?

Where did those moments slip in which I grew? And developed? And did something that was significant? They are there somewhere …I know because they tease me sometimes from a distant past. Sometimes they enthrall me for the excitement of the expectations because they are there in future?
When I try to figure out what were those things that really made a difference in me…..or what are those events or ideas or interactions that have shaped me up what I find are faint memoirs imprinted on myself. I am what I saw in my life. I am what I thought. I am what I did. I am what I learnt. So, I am the sum of all the interactions that I had in my life.
The way you can perceive the interactions can differ. By interactions I don’t mean only the interactions with a person or an individual living being. Many a times an interaction with non living things can be much more of an enriching experience of its own kind. What the ravine on the hills taught me I can never explain but it has an effect that is just as permanent as nature itself. You may sometimes think the time you spent gazing at the sky was nothing but kind of laziness and hasn’t given you any thing, someday you will realize it has taught us something that is more important than what you learnt in a physics class about the universe..

Looking at the vast sky I felt it welcomes us into the emptiness. And at times of solitude I feel the message I drew from the vast sky ….. We are all part of the vast emptiness and that is our final destination. That is where the respite and refuge is for us all. But the perception changed when I was forced to fill that emptiness with laws related to forces and existence. The day I was taught in school about the solar system and the sun and the universe…the sky looked different. Looking at it felt different. There my brightest stars turned into the planets which were farce. They did not have a light of their own and they started deceiving me there on with light of the sun. And there were many other things attached to this- the black holes, galaxies and the comets. Now it was difficult for me to find that mighty emptiness in the sky. But I did not realize it when this transformation in perception, views and ideas occurred.

Had there been a tampering alarm which could tell you when this happens, may be you could have analyzed it to some extent…. and either rejected it or accepted it with a grace; but there is none so it happens silently. And when it happens the same things have different meanings to us. The symbols remain the same but what we perceive from them changes. And that is the time we realize that we have changed. So it means that we come to know about the changes in ourselves from sources that are outside may be a mirror. Mirror is to refer to the simplest possible example of an interaction. But many interactions become mirrors for us. We can look deep into ourselves through them. We get to see our soul through them and find out how many pimple-scars has the time left behind on the cheeks. All instances are interactions, either with a person or an object. Sometimes may be with the formless. So many times when I have interacted with darkness I have felt the coldness deep inside. Darkness is a phase when you don’t have any external light available to help you see. That is the time your strength matters.
That is the time your strength matters. That is the time you have to produce your own light to see. And when you interact with darkness it can tell you how strong you are. Any body can sail with the tides…but few survive against it.

Reviews (1)

Interesting...

byshaiba, April 19, 2008

In every individual's life, there comes a time when he faces the question, "who am I"... this has been the focus of many philosophers, intellectuals and psychologists... The grand sum of all the factors that influence ourselves and turn us into what we happen to be, are indeed uncountable.

However, in my opinion, (and I am not saying that the above is not an important thing to explore) a more important matter of concern is "what should I be"

just a thought !!!

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